When my oldest was a baby, he was really sick – many of you already know that. (Those who don’t can read “Origin of a species” under my columns section.) Anyway, there was a time while seated in a hospital’s waiting room when my husband and I were faced with so many unknowns. Will Jackson walk? Will he talk? All un-answerable questions at the time. Unanswered for over a year, actually. But it was during one of these visits – exhausted and defeated – when I looked at my husband and said, “I pray for the day to be waiting in a principal’s office - not a doctor’s - for a meeting about something normal, like him punching somebody, not about blood clots and brain bleeds.”

At the time it seemed like such a lofty goal – would there even be school in his future? But, alas, my prayers were answered last week when Jackson was sent to his principal’s office for socking a kid in the face for making fun of his stuffed monkey.

My son is five, normal and gets no dessert for a week.

It was one of the best days of my life.

Our youngest is almost three and has finally expressed an interest in the potty. Surprisingly, my husband was the most excited. “Here’s a cheerio, Bud. Throw it in the water and sink it.” With his pee, everyone… I’ve never felt so alone in such a crowded house. HOW did I end up with boys? And why is it that after bribing Benji with skittles, money, Disneyland (all unsuccessfully), a silly little Cheerio is working?

Don’t answer that.

Off to Costco to buy my ‘O’s in bulk.

For the past umpteen Tuesday’s I’ve made the same pact with myself: TO FILL THE RECYCLE BIN HIGHER THAN THE TRASH BIN ON TRASH DAY. Well, this week I finally reached my goal. I actually had to lift my toddler on top of the recycle bin to smash it closed! And my trash bin? I coulda gone another week…

So what changed? Potty training (not as many diapers), for one - as well my new liquid diet. (There must have been a case of empty wine bottles in there!)

Anyway, no one can say Sugar Mama doesn’t do her part.

Seriously, friends - conserve, conserve, conserve. It’s an easy thing to teach your kids, too.

 p.s. it’s my late grandmother’s birthday today -  the first female pilot of Michigan, (among other things.) I challenge you all to raise a glass to a true pioneer tonight. And don’t forget to recycle when you’re done.

My new friend and mentor, Jo Barrett, has her second book put in stores today! If This is How it Happened is half as fantastic as her first, Men’s Guide to a Woman’s Bathroom, then we are all in for a real page-turner. (And perhaps her second movie screenplay with Hugh Jackman in it?)

I am trying to convince her people to schedule a “Sugar Mama” book signing at MY HOUSE. No phone call returned yet. But the last message I left included the fact that I (as Sugar Mama) am included in the acknowledgements! I mean, that makes me someone who knows someone, right?

So go get the book today. She is a goddess. And with hair we all envy.

http://www.amazon.com/This-How-Happened-love-story

I just wanted to let you know that the Pampered Lady Cruise is filling up! And we’ve just added a cosmetic dentist to administer teeth whitening as well as a really talented photographer to take “red carpet” pics of you and your friends. As a reminder, it sets sail from Newport Harbor on Sunday, 2/10 from 1-4. I will be your host, which means you can boss me around, ask me to get you a drink, tell me my writing stinks…you’re in charge. For more information, check out www.pamperedladycruise.com Or, to order tickets over phone, call 714/771-7454 ext. 101.

Hope to see you there. I will be the one NOT getting a massage, spay tan, or a hand paraffin treatment.

Because, of course, I will be busy refilling your drink.

I’m sorry, but I just can’t get over this ‘losing my cell phone’ thing. I’m simply not one of those people who loses things – keys, earrings, socks – they all have their place in my house. Or one of three places. (Sometimes four if you count under the seat of my car.) Regardless, it feels like a personal failure, and I’m not the only one who’s noticed.

Yesterday, while on my NEW cell phone, I received a call from a fellow mom who missed her daughter’s bus stop and was hoping I could grab her at mine. Her daughter knew the drill once she saw me, and was the first one off.

“Hi, Cutie.” I said as I gave her and my son a hug. “Your mom’s going to meet us at my house in a couple of minutes.”

“Were you talking to her on a new phone?” She asked me, barely returning my hug.

“Yes.” I answered, ashamed.

“My mom lost her old one.” My son offered.

“How did you lose it?” my friend’s daughter wanted to know, void of  emotion.

“I left it on top of my car.”

“Why would you do that?” She asked.

“Because I was in a hurry, I guess, and I forgot it was up there.” I actually prepared myself for the reprimand – the same one she probably hears every time she leaves her pink jacket at my house. But she didn’t lay into me at all. She grabbed my hand and said, “I’m sorry. I’ll bet you miss it.”

I love her for that. And for that matter, I happen to like having a pink jacket left on the back of my chair every now and then.

I left my cell phone on the top of my car last night. Between hauling bikes, skateboards and helmets from the park, I simply forgot to scoop up my most prized possession: MY PHONE. Geez, my life was in there. My two celebrity friends’ home and mobile numbers were in there (thankfully, I scrambled their names.) A picture of my youngest sitting on the potty was stored (somewhere) in there, along with a doozy of my oldest picking his nose. My doctor(s), my boss(es), my Cox Communication customer services department…I may as well just die without those numbers.

Or perhaps retire.

Except that I can’t even call and quit, can I?

Off to AT&T for another, I guess. Back in the car, crawling on the freeway, with the music BLASTING BECAUSE I NO LONGER HAVE TO LISTEN FOR THE PHONE I NO LONGER HAVE…

See? There’s always a silver lining. Even if it’s just for fifteen minutes.

Are you there? Can you hear me?

My girlfriend dropped off an old Barbie Cash Register for my youngest son who, curiously, is obsessed with Barbie. Barbie or anything pink. I encouraged use of the toy for both boys, actually, because it helps with math, counting change, etc. And I poo-pooed my husband who raised an eyebrow when he saw them gleefully running around with pink credit cards.

“It’s just a phase,” I assured him.

But to be honest, I’m not so sure. My youngest actually slept with the thing last night! And then dragged into the shower with him this morning. But am I complaining?

NO.

Because I’ve got to admit it – it’s really nice to have another girl in the house.

I am inviting you along with all the OC moms to take a time out together on Sunday, February 10, from 1 to 4 pm.

It’s a 3-hour Newport Harbor (Newport Beach, CA) cruise on a luxury yacht we call The Pampered Lady Cruise, because it includes massage, beauty treatments, champagne, appetizers, give-aways, music and a gift bag that valued at $150.Parenting OC magazine has arranged this special treat for our readers so you can treat yourselves, because we understand the demands of the mom role.For three hours on this Sunday give to yourself and you’ll be a better parent for it, returning home, even more beautiful, relaxed and capable of taking on any crisis thrown your way as we head into the hectic holidays.This group-rate offer is only $135 per person when six or more moms book together using www.pamperedladycruise.com.The Pampered Lady Cruise will be hosted by columnist Cynthia “Sugar Mama” Jenkins and the rest of the Parenting OC women.

For more information on the cruise, click on this link. Participation is very limited because the yacht only holds 150 guests, so register online today.

http://www.pamperedladycruise.com

Bon Voyage, Moms

Randall Tierney, Publisher/Editor-in-Chief

Parenting Orange County Magazine

www.parentingoc.com

p.s. He’s arranging limos (gratis) for the biggest groups!

Now that I’ve decided to write a BOOK, I thought I would take an inventory of all the essentials – everything a writer needs before writing one word.

1. A beat-up Volvo: check
2. A pair of tortoise-shell glasses: check
3. A cozy cardigan: check
4. A dog: working on it (Although the kids and I went to see a potential puppy yesterday and the pet store proprietor refused me due to my kids’ “aggressive demeanor.” I told her I was writing a book but she wouldn’t budge.)
5. A troubled past: check (if you count that I had to propose marriage to myself)
6. A favorite Starbucks: check
7. A drinking problem: working on it