Well, really it’s a dynamite exercise routine. So if you’re looking to replace that dusty old thigh-master, hear me out:

Ask your husband to drag you on a two-week road trip with your two sons – who, along with their father, can pretty much pee anywhere. I’m being serious. I mean, is California the only state that mandates toilet seat covers? I must have squatted over 47 toilets spanning Utah, Idaho, Nevada and Wyoming! I can’t say much for my ‘we’re-never-road-tripping-again’ attitude, but my thighs sure look good.

Try it. And if you can’t take too much time off, go camping this weekend. Just stay away from trees with sap.

Glad to be home,
Sugar Mama

No offense, Ellen, but “My dearest Ellen, you Owe me nothing, but won’t you please send me a cat With short hair?” plight has ended. It isn’t that I’ve stopped adoring you (counting the HOURS until you’re back on). Nor have I fallen out of love with cats.

It’s just that one such kitty’s already in my posession. Sure, she looks a little like soggy old coffee grounds and her breath smells like she’s come from the same carafe, but she’s mine…all…mine.

How did this come about, you ask? And without you, no less?

Because while on our two-week road trip, a cat found me. (I think it was in Driggs, Idaho?) Wherever we were, I recall it being really hot, plagued with large bugs and overwrought with pick-ups. But my little friend named Serendipity must like the stix this time of year, because a little kitty jumped into my road-wrinkled lap and remained there for the 1,000+ remaining miles home.

Now, how did my ‘even-though-I’ve-known-you-for-ten-years- and-we’ve-had-cats-before-but-I’m-suddenly-allergic’ husband go for it?

Because I endured a night of camping in the rain, in our LEAKING tent, sharing a mummy bag with our youngest with whom I typically can’t share a king-sized bed.

So, you see, Ellen. I did ok on my own. This time.

Or at least until my dog phase.

Well, almost. We leave tomorrow on our family vacation. Two weeks ON THE ROAD from Laguna Beach to Jackson Hole to visit my in-laws.

Why not fly, you ask?

For the same reason we pluck our eyebrows, wax our bikini areas and spend three hours at the salon frying our roots under a scalding hot dryer. Because we are compelled to torture ourselves.

Undoubtedly, this trip will be memorable though. In fact, I already have my scrapbook organized…There’s a page reserved for “Truck Stops” (we just happen to be potty-training our youngest), “Emergency Room Visit In The Middle Of Nowhere” (No doubt one of my kids will be taking a nose dive at least 400 miles from the nearest big city) and “Drinking Beers From A Can.” (Hey, When in Wyoming…)

So I doubt you’ll be hearing from me for awhile. Because as the saying goes: “If you can’t say something nice, pretend this all a bad dream and wait to wake up.”

Bon Voyage!

Sugar

Passing requires only 4 correct answers! I got, uhhhh…….2.

Please ignore the smiley faces. Not sure what happened - I’m definitely not smiling.

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?

2) Which country makes Panama hats?

3) From which animal do we get catgut?

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

5) What is a camel’s hair brush made of?

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific is named after what animal?

7) What was King George VI’s f irst name?
What color is a purple finch?

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?

1 0) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

Now check your answers below….

ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ

1) How long did the Hundred Years War last?
116 years

2) Which country makes Panama hats?
Ecuador

3) From which animal do we get catgut?
Sheep and Horses

4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
November

5) What is a camel’s hair brush made of?
Squirrel fur

6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific is named after what animal?
Dogs

7) What was King George VI’s first name?
Albert
What color is a purple finch?
Crimson

9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
New Zealand

10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?
Orange…of course.